best of craigslist: Hipster-ass Hipster Bike for Hipsters →

soloproject:

rosalarian:

“I welded it to fuck and back.”

I totally forgot how much I love extreme ads.

See, I would’ve been a better marketing assistant if they let me write copy like this:

Do you want to be noticed? Do you want to stand out from the crowd? Sleeve tattoo didn’t do the trick? Dubstep bounce remix didn’t go viral? Look no further than this bike. Don’t even look past it in the pictures posted below. Import it into Photoshop and delete the background. I know you know how to do it, because you’re a graphic designer.

Orange body. Green accents. Pink handlebar wrap. Some silver. Black. Dirt. Are there even any more colors? There are awesome reflective stickers on the bike, too, which makes darting out in front of automobiles on dark evenings and asserting one’s absolute and total right of way even more self-righteously awesome. Dear motorist: Did you not see the stickers. Do you think I have time to just put stickers on things. I’m trying to save the world from people like you.

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   Oh my god. Please read this if you’re feeling down. You will crack the fuck up.

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    “This bike is a freewheel fixed gear, because you’re a fucking monster and you have one speed, and that speed is +/-...

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    “Earthquake proof.”

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